Forsaken Euphoria
by Yami hitokiri
Summary: AU. this story is EMO. EMO. really kinda exactly EMO The past comes back to haunt Ryou, revealing broken promises and lies. RxB YAOI Oneshot WARNING: EMO


HEYYA FOLKS!

Yes, it is true I MADE A ONE SHOT! Any of you dare to say "please continue" or "please update" I'll come over there and RIP YOUR ARMS OFF! Haha…

Sorry, I'm in a very coorky mood. I've been toying vaguely with this idea, but never thought I would actually write it. Turns out all I needed was the right motivation! This was inspired by an event that I probably won't be over a very long time. Writing this made me feel better, slightly… sort of… not really… It's more like a constructive outlet for my… _feelings_.

(takes deep breath)

ANYWHO, read and review, or not, its your choice I can't really make you do anything.

There are hints/memories of YAOI in this story, that's man on man sexual stuff, don't read if you don't want to see.

Disclaimer: I do not own Yuugiou, but if you hum a few bars I can fake it.

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**Forsaken Euphoria**

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It was late on a Tuesday night. The businessman was sitting at his desk, long white hair tied behind his head to keep it out of his face as he worked on his last report for the evening. He was writing about the new software his superiors had loaded onto all the computers the previous week, thinking to improve efficiency within the company. Now that he had had time to completely analyze this program he had found several major glitches in the format. He was always doing stuff like this. Going outside his area of expertise and fixing other peoples problems. 

That's Hiromi was always telling him. _"You're too qualified for that job!" Hiromi insisted. "You'll climb up the ranks in no time!"_ The businessman smiled slightly.

Which reminded him, today was they're second year anniversary. Hiromi would already be angry at him for staying at work so late on that day, he should pick up some flowers on the way home.

_"You always stay so late, it feels like you don't have any time for me anymore…"_

Since when had he become such a workaholic?

Ryou peeled the slightly sweaty glasses away from his face, wiped his brow and placed them back further up his nose.

There was a knock at the door.

Ryou sighed in annoyance; there couldn't be anything his boss wanted him to do _now_, not at eight thirty at night. He had already stayed overtime just to finish his analysis of the program; there was no way they were going to keep him there any longer, not on his anniversary. He kept his brown eyes on the document he was writing in front of him as he called, "Enter," grudgingly.

He heard the door open; his eyes were still on his paper.

"I'm quite busy right now. If you need me to do something it will have to wait till tomorrow. I have plans tonight," Ryou stated briskly.

"Ooo, plans? I'm hurt. Just who are these plans with?" a deep, definitely-not-his-boss's, voice asked tauntingly. Ryou's heart temporarily stopped, he knew that voice.

Ryou's head snapped up so violently, his glasses went askew and he had to retrieve them to see the figure properly.

He recognized that rich copper skin tone reflecting those bright fiercely intense violet eyes almost immediately. There was same smirking smile and firm yet relaxed cool stance he always had. Some things were different; he had cut his long white hair till it was below his ear. It seemed even wilder now, more disheveled or perhaps he had spiked it out to look like that. His clothes were the same style, worn for comfort, a long black coat, an old t-shirtthat was so weather woren it was impossible to tell which color it had been originally and faded, ripped jeans leading down toold dark brown boots. He held a black motorcycle helmet under his arm and a broad smug grin on his face; he seemed to be pleased to have caught Ryou off guard.

"Bakura!" Ryou exclaimed when he got his voice back, pure shock paralyzing him to the chair.

"Hello, sexy," Bakura added for good measure. Ryou felt the bottom drop out of his stomach, exactly how he felt all those years ago.

"W-What are you doing here?" Ryou gaped, brown eyes going very wide, memo left on his desk completely and utterly forgotten. Bakura grinned.

"You look terrified." He chuckled. "What? Not happy to see me?" he questioned, mocking being slightly hurt.

"Of course I am," Ryou insisted. He tried to get up from his desk but his knees felt weak and stumbled out of his chair. Bakura chuckled, the sound resonating deep in his throat.

"Spaz, some things haven't changed," Bakura muttered. His eyes were examining Ryou intensely taking in his new appearance thirstily, just as Ryou had. A shiver ran up his spine, Ryou once again felt the sensation of suddenly being exposed.

_Ryou was 16 again, stumping clumsily down the hallways of high school, arms laden with books. The 17-year-old Bakura was standing at the end of it, leaning coolly against his locker waiting for him._

"You, ah, look nice," Ryou said awkwardly, mostly to get Bakura's stare away from the rest of his body. The other man looked up mildly, eyes slowly finally focusing on Ryou's face.

"What are theses?" he questioned walking forward. His hand reached out for Ryou's face. His finger tips brushed against Ryou's skin. They were more callused then Ryou remembered. Bakura swiped the glasses off Ryou's face. Ryou blinked, temporarily blinded. "Since when do you where glasses?" Bakura asked teasingly, waving them recklessly around in the air.

"They're my reading glasses," Ryou answered, frowning slightly and reaching forward to take them back. Bakura step backwards out of Ryou's reach, playfully leading him onward. Ryou frowned in frustration and Bakura laughed in his face.

"Just like old times, huh?" he taunted. Ryou did not look amused and Bakura rolled his eyes. "You are so unfun," he complained. He unfolded the glasses and placed them back on Ryou's head but his hands didn't leave Ryou's head. Ryou waited patiently then noticed that Bakura was staring at him again, in a way that Ryou was all too familiar with.

Ryou's stomach churned.

He stepped forcefully away breaking the contact, pulse racing. So many old familiar feelings that he thought he had lost long ago were coming back, his chest felt swollen just trying to keep them all down.

"So," Ryou spoke, taking another casually step away. "How have you been?" Bakura looked disappointed be he brushed it off quickly.

"Fine," he answered. He walked over to Ryou's desk, put down his motorcycle helmet and then sat down heavily in the rotating chair, making himself comfortable by placing his feet in the middle of Ryou's unfinished memo, tracking flecks of dirt onto the surface.

"How was college?" Ryou asked. Bakura shrugged carelessly.

"Dropped out," he said bluntly. Ryou's face fell, eyes shaded over with worry.

"You never finished college?" Ryou asked gravely as Bakura began to play with the paper clips on Ryou's desk. "Why?"

"It was really boring and the professors were assholes," Bakura replied.

"That's not a reason to quit," Ryou said. Bakura glanced up at his old friend moodily.

"I didn't see the point," Bakura explained truthfully. "I mean I went through high school, right? Why should I go through another _four years_ of education? It's just a waste of time."

"But college could open you up to so many more opportunities," Ryou insisted. "You're very smart, I'm sure you could have made it through, you really shouldn't have quit." Bakura glanced up at Ryou again, giving him a falsely sweet degrading smile.

"Ryou, Ryou, Ryou," Bakura chanted lightly, making Ryou's multi colored paper clips skip across the surface of the desk. "I've heard that song too many times before. Don't worry, I thought long and hard about it before I made the decision, you know… five, ten minutes…" Ryou frowned disappointedly, crossing his arms.

"Dropping out of college isn't funny," Ryou said firmly. Bakura looked up from his dancing paper clips and chuckled again, obviously not taking Ryou's stern attitude very seriously.

"Of course, of course," he taunted, abandoning his paper clips and searching through the trinkets on Ryou's desk, leaving everything in disarray. Ryou's tight mouth twitched slightly but he didn't object. "You always were up so up tight," muttered Bakura amusingly, making a stapler remover start attacking a pen.

"What are you doing now? Do you have a job? Or a house?" Ryou asked curiously. Bakura shrugged carelessly again.

"I got a motorbike," he said. "It's hot. I should give you a ride sometime."

"No thanks," Ryou responded delicately. He was not fond of loud, fast things and Bakura knew that.

"I'm mostly living off my families money," Bakura explained, searching through Ryou's drawers now. After a beat he continued, "My parents are died, you know… In a car crash."

Ryou looked horrified and shocked. His insides, which had be jumping nervously in his stomach ever since Bakura entered his office, suddenly drained out, leaving him hollow.

"God, I'm so sorry," Ryou gasped. Bakura hesitated for a moment.

"They were on their way to vacation cruse," Bakura commented dryly. He snorted, almost in disgust. "I barely knew them anyway…" Ryou looked at his friend sadly. He knew no matter how Bakura acted, inside he was crushed. "But they left me with a lot of money, and I do mean _a lot_ of money. So I've been just been around, wandering… seeing places…" His voice died away. Ryou gave him a moment of silence, not sure what to say.

"Soooo," Bakura continued, picking up the gold nametag on Ryou's desk and reading it. "You're an 'Executive Assistant Accounting Advisor'?" he questioned suspiciously giving Ryou a doubtful look.

"Yep," Ryou said. Bakura frowned with distaste and placed the name place back, upside-down.

"Sounds boring…" he commented dryly.

"Its actually pretty interesting work," Ryou insisted. Bakura blinked very slowly, slouching back in the rotating leather chair.

"Riiiiight," he muttered sarcastically. "What happened to you becoming an writer? Or a teacher? Didn't you want to be a teacher or something?"

"I did at one time," Ryou admitted. "But as I remember you also thought that was boring."

"Well at least it was more useful than you working as a drone in a cubical," Bakura scoffed. "I never thought you would end up this low…" Ryou looked hurt.

"And I never thought you'd end up as a hobo," Ryou retorted. Bakura laughed good naturally which made Ryou smile too, despite himself.

"But seriously '_accounting_'?" Bakura cried. "When did you become so dull, Ryou?" Bakura asked as if Ryou were now contaminated with some sort of disease, although the regret on his face was plainly visible. "I was hoping to see you at your latest book signing or walk in on you teaching kindergartners how to count properly."

"I'm still me," Ryou insisted, eyes nervously shifting to the floor. "But you can't expect a person to be exactly the same after 10 years." Bakura didn't answer him. He had long since gotten bored with everything on Ryou's desk and drawers. He swiveled around as best he could, still keeping his feet on the desk, twisted sideways to face Ryou's computer.

"What's this?" he questioned hopefully. He began messing with Ryou's computer, searching through Ryou's files. "You got any games on here?"

"Get off of that!" Ryou cried rushing over to the desk. "There's important stuff on that computer!" Bakura did not stop; he loved pushing Ryou's limits. Ryou squeezed passed the large rotating chair and pulled Bakura's hands away from the computer.

"Alright, alright," Bakura said getting off the chair and stepping respectfully away. "What have you got on there? Government secrets or something?"

"Stock numbers," Ryou answered flatly, closing all the programs Bakura had opened. Bakura rolled his eyes.

"Never thought I'd see the day when you would come to rescue of stock numbers," Bakura groaned, leaning his back up against the desk, crossing his arms over his chest. "Pathetic." Ryou frowned but kept himself from retorting.

"So what are you doing here?" Ryou asked curiously, leaning up against the desk next to his old friend. Bakura shrugged, not looking at Ryou.

"I wanted to see you," he said matter-of-factly. The nerves had jumped back into Ryou's stomach, squirming like worms.

"Really…" Ryou had to force himself to speak.

"Yep," Bakura said. He looked up and caught Ryou's stare. "You know being on the rode a lot can get lonely…" Ryou's worm-like nerves squirmed worse than ever.

"I bet," Ryou said, voice cracking slightly. Bakura grinned. It wasn't until that moment that Ryou noticed their shoulders were touching. He looked down and saw a ripped jean pant leg against the pants of navy blue business suit.

"I haven't had much luck with lovers since high school," Bakura admitted bluntly, penetrating eyes locked on Ryou's face. Ryou felt his throat tighten painfully.

"S-sorry," Ryou breathed, barely opening his mouth. A mischievous grin spread across Bakura's mouth. He shifted his shoulders slightly so his arm went free, turning towards Ryou, leaning into him.

Ryou gave a sharp intake of breath as Bakura reached for his hair.

"Why do you wear your hair up like this?" Bakura asked, fingering the tie that pulled Ryou's long white hair away from his face. "It looks better when it's down."

"It gets in the way," Ryou muttered rigidly. Bakura pulled his arm away from Ryou's head much to Ryou's relief but it was only to turn his full intense stare onto Ryou's face.

"Do you remember that promise we made?" Bakura asked, his deep voice went strangely soft. Ryou could only remember a handful of times when he had ever heard Bakura use that tone before.

Ryou couldn't find his voice, he was too terrified.

"Remember when we talking about the future and we agreed, not matter what happened, one day after college we'd find each other again?" Bakura asked. Ryou turned his head away, trying to increase the distance between them.

"People always promise silly things when they are together," Ryou muttered, eyes fixed on the floor.

"Silly things?" Bakura voice went very cold.

Ryou shivered in the icy chill of his voice.

"That was a long time ago," Ryou pressed voice growing very quiet. He slid sideways on the edge of the desk away from Bakura's warmth.

The room was absorbed into silence. Ryou could hear painful ringing in his ears but Bakura would not give up so easily. It was a surprise to Ryou when a hand appeared on his chest.

"I never thought I'd see you all dressed up, and wearing a tie," Bakura commented, that soft tone was back again. Startled, Ryou looked up into Bakura's face. The hand on his chest moved up and took a firm hold on the tie's knot near his throat. "I don't like ties. They're too easy…"

Bakura jerked Ryou's tie violently forward. Ryou's feet stumbled clumsily off balance. Somehow in the confusion Ryou's mouth fell onto Bakura's.

There was a flash in Ryou's mind.

_He was 17 again; it was after school and Bakura had him pressed up against his locker. They were in the park; Bakura had forced him down on the ground into a patch of bushes. They were at Bakura's parents house on Bakura's bed,tumbling clumsily off onto the floor. They were in Bakura's car; the radio turned on so loud Ryou couldn't hear himself scream._

Ryou's body must have forgotten that he was a teenager anymore.

There was a crash that brought the 27-year-old Ryou back to his senses. Bakura had shoved all the stuff on Ryou's desk onto the floor, neatly piled stacks of documents, paperclips and pens went scattering all over the floor. Before Ryou could protest, Bakura shoved him backwards onto the cleared surface of the desk. Bakura wasted no time in climbing up onto the desk and over Ryou. Ryou lay there paralyzed, brown eyes very, very wide.

"Did I ever tell you?" Bakura cooed, leaning his head down so that he was breathing in Ryou's face. "You always make the best noises…" He lowered his mouth once again, hands grabbing Ryou's hips.

"Wait!" Ryou cried panicked. His hands flew up pushing Bakura away. He scrabbled up and out from under Bakura with difficulty and fell in a trembling heap to the floor. Bakura remained on the desk, glaring down at Ryou irritably.

"What?" he growled, lying down on his side, head supported on his elbow.

Ryou pulled himself shakily to his feet.

"I'm seeing someone," he said, head lowered looking at the floor.

Bakura frowned and then shrugged.

"Well, you can't say I didn't try," Bakura scoffed grouchily. "Any chance he'd be up to a threesome?" Bakura taunted crudely. Ryou went slightly pale. Bakura laughed, but it was strained as though trying to cover up another emotion. "I'm kidding, god," Bakura said rolling his eyes again. "So who is he?"

"Hitomi," Ryou spoke, eyes fixed upon the floor. There was an uneasy pause.

"That sounds like a woman's name," Bakura commented darkly.

"It is," Ryou answered. Ryou did not look up from the floor but he hear the coldness in Bakura's next words.

"Oh," he said. "I see…" Another long extremely uncomfortable pause. "So… you're bi?" Bakura asked as casually as it would come out.

"I… don't know," Ryou admitted quietly and then flinched as Bakura jumped off the desk and stood before him.

"Don't you go shitting me, Ryou," Bakura spat. "You don't seem like the king of person that would go out with someonethat youthey don't have sexual feelings for?" Bakura snapped. Ryou did not speak. "Well, I feel sorry for your girlfriend then, hope she's not too attached to you," he snapped coldly.

"We're engaged," Ryou choked as he pulled and tugged these words out of his tight throat. Bakura had to know. "T-tonight's our two year anniversary…"

Ryou was slammed up against the wall behind him, his breath temporarily knocked out of him. He's head jerked upward and finally met Bakura's face again. His glowing violet eyes were as cold as ice, expression harsh as though he was trying very hard to build up a wall around his emotions.

"What do you mean by that?" Bakura snarled, voice heavy and poisonous. "Why are you marrying a woman when you don't even know if you're bi?" Ryou was trembling, he was scared to say anything more, but he had to. Bakura had to understand.

"… I-I haven't had any boyfriends since you," Ryou explained. Bakura's face was so close,Ryou had a perfect view when his rich copper face aged and went slightly green.

"Don't give me this crap," Bakura growled nastily. "We went out for two years, Ryou. Do you remember that!" He punched the wall right next to Ryou's head. Ryou flinched but did not answer. "You can't tell me for _two years_ you didn't… you didn't feel _any_ of it…" His strong voice drained away, he was pleading with Ryou now, expression going extremely panicky.

"I'm sorry…I don't know," Ryou repeated.

"DON'T TELL ME THAT, RYOU!" Bakura shouted furiously. Ryou was terrified, body shivering. "What about all the things we said to each other!" Bakura cried angrily. "How we said we loved each other! How we made all those plans! We told each other _everything, _Ryou! _Everything_! HOW COULD YOU NOT MEAN THAT!"

Bakura waited for Ryou to answer him; to tell him this was a joke but Ryou did not speak, mouth clamped shut and tight.

"Are you telling me that…" Bakura's voice went very thin and tight. "Are you telling me that I just _forced_ myself on you! FOR TWO YEARS! ANSWER ME!" he ordered painfully.

"I don't know…" Ryou said.

Bakura looked horrified, skin washed of its beautiful copper color. He stumbled backwards away from Ryou, tripping over the side of the desk and Ryou's trashcan.

"Why?" Bakura choked. "Why didn't you say anything then? Why didn't you protest? For GODSAKE RYOU, WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP ME!"

"I couldn't," Ryou spoke tearfully. "I don't know-"

"DON'T SAY THAT TO ME!" Bakura screamed. He looked horrified down at himself as though he were suddenly covered in blood, as though he had just killed someone. "I meant every word of it! I was saying those things to you cause they were true! Are you telling me you weren't happy! I was _happy,_ Ryou!"

"I know you were," Ryou said, voice very, very small, shrinking the best he could, back against the wall, pain filled eyes on the floor.

"You lied to me! You deceived me! You… you let me _RAPE_ YOU!" Bakura cried disgusted, shaking his hands out furiously as though trying to get the slim off, still backing away. "WHY!"

"I don't know!" Ryou screamed back, eyes squeezed tightly shut, hands over his head. "I DON'T KNOW!"

A hand flew up to Bakura's mouth. His whole body shivered and rippled unpleasantly. He dove out of the room but he barely made it two feet out the door when Ryou heard a retching, choking sound and then heard the splat of the mess as it dropped to the floor.

The door swung and Ryou saw the last of Bakura's long black coat running away from him down the hall.

Ryou could not stop shivering. His arms were crossed over his body as though he were trying to keep his arms from falling off.

'I had to do it, I had no choice, Bakura needed to know…' Ryou told himself, his own words carving deeply and painfully into his chest.

His eyes spotted Bakura's black motorcycle helmet on his desk. He had forgotten to take it with him.

The legs underneath Ryou collapsed, body falling heavily to the floor. He curled up by the wall, arms dropping uselessly in front of him. Cold emptiness was eating away at his inside. He was hollow; his insides were rotting, his stomach protesting forcefully.

It hurt. His insides were crying out in pain. His brain spinning so fast it made him sick.

Wails exploded from his mouth, his jaw hurt. His cries turned into screaming.

Ryou closed his eyes.

Behind his eyelids a little picture played, like a tiny movie in his brain.

_They were in the woods at the back of the school. Ryou had his head in Bakura's lap, neck supported by Bakura's firm leg, ear up against his stomach. Bakura was staring down at him, stroking his long white with two cautious fingers. The sun was shining from behind his head, making his face extra dark and mysterious and white hair glow. Ryou smiled up at him._

_"Did you want to do something?" Ryou asked. Bakura chuckled. _

_"You horny little teenager you," Bakura teased. "No, I think I just want to sit here." Ryou looked up at Bakura puzzled._

_"Why?" he asked curiously._

_"Cause I like to look at you," Bakura answered seriously._

_Ryou blinked, he didn't understand._

'How can he still love me? After all this time…' Ryou thought. He was back in the real world, curled up behind his desk, tears running down his face onto the floor.

"I wish…" Ryou whispered, tears rolling sideways across his nose and down the side of his head before dripping on the carpet floor. "I wish I loved you…"

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Yep, that's it. 

I'm not continuing cause this is where it ends.

Depressing, ne?

Now that I've read it over it seems a bit long... oh well.

If you want to go read a happy story, go read "**Happiness is Not a Fish that You Can Catch**". Well… it's mostly happy anyway.


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